Includes tags: Spiritual friendship, Association with people of integrity
“As I consider which aspects of my life could be simplified, it occurs to me that I have two different friendships which may no longer be worth the trade off in time or energy. After spending time with either of these friends, I tend to be more drained of my very limited energy, possible because neither is very self-aware and both talk a lot. What is my obligation to an old friend who has recently come through a really hard time in her life or to a new friend whose health and living situation are precarious. Is there a graceful way to bow out of a friendship without harming the other person?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Spiritual friendship ] [Simplicity] // [Time management]
1. Reflections about the occasion. Contributed by Joseph Kappel. [Spiritual friendship] [Ajahn Chah] // [Joseph Kappel]
3. What drew us to Ajahn Chah? Reflection by Joseph Kappel. [Association with people of integrity] [Ajahn Chah] // [Culture/West] [Three Refuges] [Teachers] [Media]
6. Reading from the draft biography: Ajahn Chah leaves his companions and stays alone. Read by Ajahn Pasanno. [Tudong] [Seclusion] [Culture/Thailand] [Ajahn Chah] // [Spiritual friendship]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 89
Quote: “Where is the good person? He lies within us. If we’re good, then wherever we go, the goodness stays with us.” — Ajahn Chah [Virtue] [Spiritual friendship] [Blame and praise]
2. Comment: It’s not so easy to let go of people who have been in my life forever to cultivate new friendships. [Relinquishment] [Spiritual friendship]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Judgementalism] [Virtue] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Views]
4. “If my sister has unwholesome friendships, how can I help her redirect these?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] // [Compassion] [Judgementalism] [Right Intention] [Right Speech] [Admonishment/feedback]
Story: An Abhayagiri monk skillfully conveys concerns to his father. [Abhayagiri]
5. Meditation instruction: Walking meditation instructions. Offered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Posture/Walking] [Spiritual friendship] // [Continuity of mindfulness] [Tranquility]
1. “The Buddha said ‘One is expected to cultivate the path when you meet noble friends.’ How much responsibility do we need to take for this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Spiritual friendship] [Association with people of integrity] [Volition]
7. “Would you please comment on ‘The Highest Blessings’ where is reads: ‘Avoiding those of foolish ways...and cherishing family.’ What if family members engage in foolish ways like addiction to alcohol and one can not always avoid them? Can one cherish one of foolish ways?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Intoxicants]
4. The trio of Ajahn Piak, Ajahn Anan, and Ajahn Dtun. Recollection by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Piak ] [Ajahn Anan ] [Ajahn Dtun ] [Wat Pah Pong] [Spiritual friendship] [Ajahn Chah]
Quote: “Ajahn Dtun’s path is the path of wisdom...Ajahn Piak is gifted in samādhi. And I have very strong faith.” — Ajahn Anan [Discernment] [Concentration] [Faith]
13. “This is a comment to say thank you to the whole Sangha, really, for your interest in practice. We were doing walking meditation and there was such a contrast between the cars driving through and the walking practice. Usually, I feel more alone in practice. It feels so good not to be the odd one out. You guys almost made me cry with sweeping the walking paths yesterday. Thank you Sangha.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Gratitude] [Posture/Walking] [Spiritual friendship]
5. “I’m not sure how to be with close friends or family members who out of a desire to avoid pain and find happiness engage in self-destructive behaivor that also harms those around them.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] [Craving] [Compassion] // [Discernment]
Sutta: Maṅgala Sutta: Don’t associate with fools.
10. “Any advice for cures for burnout? I’m in a helping profession and feel depleted and exhausted. I need help getting the balance between giving and receiving.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Depression] [Work] [Health] [Generosity] [Compassion ] // [Culture/West] [Idealism] [Commentaries] [Selfishness]
Quote: “Compassion in the English language means ‘to suffer with.’ If you end up suffering with too much, you end up burnt out.” [Language] [Suffering]
Quote: “Don’t think you’re a ten-wheeled dump truck when all you are is a wheelbarrow.” — Ajahn Chah [Ajahn Chah]
Commentary: Path of Purification by Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli, p. 291: Classical cultivation of goodwill and compassion, first to yourself. [Goodwill]
Quote: “Our ability to be with others and to help and to give is dependent on our being kind and compassionate to ourselves.” [Spiritual friendship] [Self-reliance]
13. “When you’re living on the precepts, how do I relate to (for example) a friend who tells me about an affair they are having?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Jotipālo. [Precepts] [Spiritual friendship] [Sexual misconduct] // [Skillful qualities] [Admonishment/feedback] [Discernment] [Right Speech] [Vinaya] [Abhayagiri]
Quote: “Don’t admonish your fellow monks before the meal.” — Ajahn Chah. Quoted by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah] [Monastic life] [Food] [Eating after noon]
3. “As I consider which aspects of my life could be simplified, it occurs to me that I have two different friendships which may no longer be worth the trade off in time or energy. After spending time with either of these friends, I tend to be more drained of my very limited energy, possible because neither is very self-aware and both talk a lot. What is my obligation to an old friend who has recently come through a really hard time in her life or to a new friend whose health and living situation are precarious. Is there a graceful way to bow out of a friendship without harming the other person?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Spiritual friendship ] [Simplicity] // [Time management]
16. “I spread lovingkindness from home and don’t have the good fortune of meeting with like minds who practice to perfect sīla. Any suggestions?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Lay life] [Goodwill] [Spiritual friendship] [Virtue]
Quote: Ajahn Chah to Ajahn Sumedho: “Do you mean to say there’s no good people in America?” [Ajahn Chah] [Ajahn Sumedho] [Culture/West]
3. Reflection by Ajahn Pasanno: Establishing relations with family and friends in Dhamma. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Dhamma] [Ajahn Chah]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah would sometimes allow Westerners to ordain without their parent’s permission. [Ordination] [Parents] [History/Western Buddhist monasticism]
11. “What is the best way to navigate the people that we love that have unskillful behaivors but we don’t want to cut out of our lives?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] // [Compassion] [Patience] [Truth] [Aversion] [Admonishment/feedback]