Part of tag cluster Family in key topic Everyday Life Practice
Subtags: Parents, Children
67 excerpts, 5:29:12 total duration
“I am still very attached to my husband and children. I don’t want to relinquish the intimacy I share with my husband. I will suffer when they are gone. How do I reconcile this practice of relinquishment with the reality that I am a wife, mother and householder? With love.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Gratitude] [Family ] [Lay life] [Relinquishment ] // [Spaciousness] [Suffering] [Clinging] [Cause of Suffering] [Communal harmony]
Quote: “Relinquishment is a skillful acknowledgement of the areas where we do create suffering.”
Story: Visākhā, the stream enterer who raised 20 children. [Great disciples] [Stream entry] [Family ] [Culture/India]
Quote: “Families that grow up with strong spiritual models are an incredible blessing.” [Family ] [Mentoring]
1. Reflection by Paul Breiter: How do Ajahn Chah’s teachings apply to lay life? [Lay life ] [Ajahn Chah] // [Monastic life] [Culture/Thailand] [Culture/West]
When I left the monastery, I felt like a skinned cow (SN 12.63). [Similes] [Vinaya]
Story: Ajahn Chah scolds the monks for dreaming about lay life. [Work] [Family] [Commerce/economics] [Renunciation]
4. Quote: “We think that this is my family, this is my home village, this is my country, and others are [not]. That’s just a delusion.” — Ajahn Chah. Quoted by Paul Breiter. [Ajahn Chah] [Goodwill] [Family] [Community] [Politics and society] [Delusion] // [Human ] [Birth] [Ageing] [Death]
1. “How did Ajahn Chah relate to the lay community around him and tailor the Dharma to their own circumstances?” Answered by Ajahn Sumedho and Ṭhānissarā. [Lay life ] [Mutual lay/Saṅgha support] [Ajahn Chah] [Teaching Dhamma]
Story: Thai villagers tell Ajahn Sumedho that they never understood Buddhism until they met Luang Por Chah. Told by Ajahn Sumedho. [Culture/Thailand] [Ajahn Sumedho] [Hearing the true Dhamma] [Monastic life] [Generosity] [Meditation] [Community] [Family] [Mindfulness]
Quote: “He didn’t respond to the external cues but went to the heart and grabbed you in that way.” — Ṭhānissarā [Conventions] [Fierce/direct teaching] [Not-self]
3. Story: Kittisaro’s parents visit Wat Pah Pong. Told by Kittisaro. [Kittisaro] [Parents] [Wat Pah Pong] [Ajahn Chah] // [Culture/West] [Learning] [Monastic life] [Renunciation] [Fear] [Cults] [Children] [Ordination] [Compassion]
Quote: “Wanting your parents to understand is suffering.” — Ajahn Sumedho [Ajahn Sumedho] [Family] [Suffering]
Quote: “The Communists you really need to be concerned about, the ones who can really hurt you, are the ones who hide inside your own heart.” — Ajahn Chah [Politics and society] [Unwholesome Roots]
6. Story: Paul Breiter’s parents visit Wat Pah Pong. Told by Paul Breiter. [Paul Breiter] [Family] [Wat Pah Pong] [Ajahn Chah] // [Sloth and torpor] [Fierce/direct teaching]
2. Story: Ajahn Chah visits Seattle. Told by Joseph Kappel. [Ajahn Chah] // [Joseph Kappel] [Family] [Paul Breiter]
Story: Venerable Pabakkaro’s grandmother hugs him at the airport. [Family] [Monastic life] [Vinaya]
Story: Ajahn Chah visits Mount Ranier. [Culture/Natural environment]
8. Quote: “You’re strong. Now you need to make your heart as strong as your body.” — Ajahn Chah. Quoted by Joseph Kappel. [Ajahn Chah] [Heart/mind] // [Joseph Kappel] [Humility] [Family] [Culture/Natural environment]
6. “Can you speak about working with fear and loss of ego identity, fear, and death?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Fear] [Self-identity view] [Death] // [Goodwill] [Aggregates] [Impermanence] [Delusion] [Faith] [Eightfold Path] [Perfections] [Recollection]
Reference: Description of dukkha. [Suffering]
Quote: “We respond to teachings on liberation and Nibbāna with a curious sense of fear and trepidation.” — Ajahn Mahā Boowa speaking about Ajahn Mun [Ajahn Mahā Boowa] [Ajahn Mun] [Liberation] [Nibbāna] [Family] [Clinging]
2. “Would you explain the duties adult children have towards ageing parents and the duties of parents towards their children as taught by the Buddha?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Parents ] [Ageing] [Children ] // [Health care] [Culture/Asia]
Sutta: AN 2.33: The greatest gifts to one’s parents. [Virtue] [Generosity] [Right View]
6. “What are the characteristics of personality? Are they conditioned by kamma and our family, culture, and nationality? How do I learn not to take mine as truth and real?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Personality] [Conditionality] [Kamma] [Family] [Cultural context] [Self-identity view] // [Suffering] [Characteristics of existence] [Humor]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah tended to translate anicca as uncertain or not sure. [Ajahn Chah] [Impermanence] [Translation] [Proliferation] [Direct experience]
4. Reading from the draft biography: Ajahn Chah’s birthplace and early life. Read by Ajahn Pasanno. [Culture/Thailand] [Family] [Children] [Ajahn Chah]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 22
5. Reading from the draft biography: At the age of nine, Ajahn Chah asks to go to the village monastery. Read by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Novices] [Ajahn Chah]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 25
4. “Is growing grapes right livelihood?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Intoxicants] [Commerce/economics] [Right Livelihood]
Story: The son of a winemaking family lives on the land but doesn’t participate in wine production. [Family]
3. “Everyone in our group is struggling with issues about livelihood. Does anyone here feel their livelihood is in tune?” Answered by Ajahn Yatiko and Ajahn Pasanno. [Work] [Idealism] // [Contentment] [Eightfold Path] [Kamma]
Quote: “Maybe it would be better phrased ‘Right-enough livelihood.’” — Ajahn Karuṇadhammo [Right Livelihood]
Story: An upright career police officer in Thailand transfers in and out of a corrupt assignment. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Community] [Crime] [Corruption] [Family] [Precepts]
Comment by Ajahn Karuṇadhammo: Even monks face moral dillemas. [Monastic life] [Vinaya]
4. “If my sister has unwholesome friendships, how can I help her redirect these?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] // [Compassion] [Judgementalism] [Right Intention] [Right Speech] [Admonishment/feedback]
Story: An Abhayagiri monk skillfully conveys concerns to his father. [Family] [Abhayagiri]
4. “I’m having trouble integrating some of the teachings in the context of preparing to have a child...How might one be fully open to the lightness and joy surrounding birth while remaining deeply aware of these other truths of existence?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Birth] [Characteristics of existence]
15. “Thank you Luang Por for your time and teachings. I would like to hear more about the idea of restraint (especially in regards to raising a teenager).” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Sense restraint] [Children]
11. “Is there an obligation to reconcile with family before your death or theirs (especially when family has been particularly unskillful towards us)?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Death] [Forgiveness]
7. “Would you please comment on ‘The Highest Blessings’ where is reads: ‘Avoiding those of foolish ways...and cherishing family.’ What if family members engage in foolish ways like addiction to alcohol and one can not always avoid them? Can one cherish one of foolish ways?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Intoxicants]
20. “Today is the 23rd anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. I am particularly thinking of her today and dedicating loving kindness. Is this a meritorious act or is this fantasy?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Death] [Family] [Merit] [Goodwill]
7. The character of Ajahn Chah and his relatives. Reflection by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah] [Personality] [Aversion] [Humor] // [Leadership]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah’s older brother had the same personality. [Family]
8. Comment by Ajahn Ñāṇiko: Ajahn Chah’s brother didn’t have an inferiority complex. [Ajahn Chah] [Family] [Guilt/shame/inadequacy]
10. Story: Ajahn Ñaniko meets Ajahn Mun’s nephew. Told by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Ajahn Mun] [Family]
14. Story: A woman dies peacefully while retelling the story of their life together with her partner of 60 years. [Relationships] [Family] [Recollection/Virtue] [Death]
25. Comment: Merit is faith driven, so there aren’t any limitations to where that can take you, and it has real value. [Merit] [Faith] [Realms of existence] [Death]
Story: Two Thai doctors take temporary ordination to make merit to rejoin their deceased brother in a future life. [Culture/Thailand] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Temporary ordination] [Family] [Rebirth]
Story: The mother of a woman killed in a bus crash dedicates merit so that the dead woman will be reborn in the family. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Wat Pah Nanachat] [Ghost] [Relinquishment] [Ceremony/ritual] [Kamma] [Volition]
Quote: “We live in a fairly limited concept of the world; it’s very material in the West. There’s a lot more happening than what we can see.” — Ajahn Pasanno [Nature of the cosmos] [Culture/West]
26. “If a family member who has passed turns into a hungry ghost, how might one help them when they’re in that realm?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Rebirth] [Ghost ] [Compassion] [Death] // [Merit]
Sutta: AN 10.177: Jāṇussoṇī
Follow-up: “Does it work the same way if the person hasn’t made much merit?” [Kamma] [Skillful qualities] [Unskillful qualities] [Human]
3. Reflection by Ajahn Yatiko: “Authenticity and Freedom”: Ajahn Yatiko reflects on his brother Glenn’s life, values, and suicide from the perspective of a “Siamese twin joined at the soul” and from the perspective of a Buddhist monk. Originally offered at Glenn’s memorial service on September 30, 2013, at Ascension Lutheran Church in Edmonton, this talk was replayed during the 2014 Upasika Day on Death and Dying. [Family] [Suicide] [Truth] [Liberation] [Death] // [Christianity] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Mental illness] [Idealism] [Spiritual search] [Judgementalism] [Impermanence] [Kamma]
4. Reflection by Jeanne Daskais: How Dhamma practice helped me be with my mother’s death and support my family through the process. [Parents] [Sickness] [Buddhist identity] [Family] [Death] // [Grief] [Christianity] [Health care] [Relationships] [Recollection/Death] [Generosity]
Sutta: SN 47.19: The Bamboo Acrobat
5. Reflection by Debbie Stamp: Caring for dying and grieving Abhayagiri supporters and family members. [Abhayagiri] [Sickness] [Family] [Parents] [Death] [Grief] [Health care] // [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Karuṇadhammo] [Christianity] [Forgiveness] [Fear] [Impermanence] [Merit] [Doubt]
Reference: Debbie transcribed Ajahn Pasanno’s 2008 Metta Retreat, published it as Abundant, Exalted, Immeasurable, and dedicated the merit to her mother. [Meditation retreats] [Dhamma books]
Story: Ajahn Ñāṇiko hikes to the top of Mount Dana to dedicate merit to deceased relatives. [Ajahn Ñāṇiko]
9. Stories about being with dying relatives. Told by Debbie Stamp and Jeanne Daskais. [Parents] [Family] [Children] [Death]
7. “In the context of deep love—like between spouses or between parent and child—what is the application of the concept of non-attachment? What does it mean?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Relinquishment] [Relationships ] // [Characteristics of existence] [Compassion]
Quote: “A really loving gift is giving that person the autonomy to be a human being but to really care for them.” [Generosity] [Self-reliance] [Human]
13. “I am still very attached to my husband and children. I don’t want to relinquish the intimacy I share with my husband. I will suffer when they are gone. How do I reconcile this practice of relinquishment with the reality that I am a wife, mother and householder? With love.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Gratitude] [Family ] [Lay life] [Relinquishment ] // [Spaciousness] [Suffering] [Clinging] [Cause of Suffering] [Communal harmony]
Quote: “Relinquishment is a skillful acknowledgement of the areas where we do create suffering.”
Story: Visākhā, the stream enterer who raised 20 children. [Great disciples] [Stream entry] [Family ] [Culture/India]
Quote: “Families that grow up with strong spiritual models are an incredible blessing.” [Family ] [Mentoring]
14. “My relationship with my kids can be so contentious and draining—so different than I thought it would be. How can I love and train them even though it seems they were born to resist these things?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Children] [Conflict]
Reflection from Ajahn Chah: “Ducks should really be more like chickens.” [Ajahn Chah] [Cause of Suffering] [Proliferation] [Humor]
1. “How do I use the teaching today about investigating the cause of suffering when working with betrayal? Been married to high school sweetheart for 40 years. Raised children together and best of friends. Lately he has gone off the deep end. Midlife crisis? - who knows, but he started drinking and acting out sexually. The feelings of shock, betrayal, hurt, anger and fear are beyond words. If new relationship I would leave, but he has been in my life since I was a child. Impossible to accept but hard to leave. How do I find the cause of suffering (noble truth) you spoke of today? And how to bring some equanimity and space around this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Cause of Suffering] [Relationships] [Family] [Intoxicants] [Sexual misconduct] [Aversion] [Equanimity]
19. “I would like to invite my aging mother to live with my family. Our family observes the precept of no-killing. However, my mother is not vegetarian. My spouse insists that everyone in the house must uphold the precept. I think it’s unfair to impose that on my aging mother. Is my spouse holding onto fixed views? I very much would like to honor my filial duty and at the same time maintain harmony in the family. As a practitioner, what is the best way to handle this situation? Thank you, Ajahn, for your time and advice.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Parents] [Family] [Vegetarianism] [Communal harmony]
5. “I’m not sure how to be with close friends or family members who out of a desire to avoid pain and find happiness engage in self-destructive behaivor that also harms those around them.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] [Craving] [Compassion] // [Discernment]
Sutta: Maṅgala Sutta: Don’t associate with fools.
15. “There is a mean streak in my family, a tendency to be dishonest and manipulative. I can see how it has been passed down over generations. I have worked hard to overcome these habits in myself. At this stage of life my familiar relationships are mostly positive and harmonious, but I still sometimes run across their manipulation or dishonesty. I would like to discuss or address it within my family, but there is no apperent recouse or means of addressing the situation. Any suggestions?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [False speech] [Habits]
Quote: “I don’t teach my family anything.” [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Teaching Dhamma]
Story: Ajahn Pasanno’s mother visits Abhayagiri. [Parents] [Kaṭhina]
2. “When you spent time with family, did you notice any old habits resurfacing?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Habits]
5. “This year my whole family got lice. How do we respond to this skillfully?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Lay life] [Family] [Killing] [Animal] // [Human] [Patience]
9. “Can Ajahn Pasanno teach us how Ajahn Chah teaches or gives techniques on physical states and mental states? Can you tell us more about Ajahn Chah’s biography, for example, when and how Ajahn Chah wanted to become a monk?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah] [Form] [Heart/mind] // [Christianity] [Conditionality]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah engaged in conversation with the villagers before the meal to reveal the junior monks’ desires around food. [Idle chatter] [Food] [Sensual desire]
Advice from Ajahn Chah: “Don’t admonish anybody before the meal.” [Admonishment/feedback]
Update about the progress on the new Ajahn Chah biography. [Dhamma books] [Ajahn Jayasaro]
Reference: Stilness Flowing
Story: Nine year old Ajahn Chah goes to the monastery after getting fed up with household chores. [Culture/Thailand] [Geography/Thailand] [Faith] [Monasteries] [Family] [Work]
16. “During the Christmas holiday, I’m going to be spending some time with relatives who do not share my same political views. In the spirit of wanting to understand their views and wanting to heal the divide that exists in our country, I want to talk about the election with them. How do I have this conversation skillfully?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Politics and society ] [Right Speech ] // [Judgementalism] [Listening] [Human] [Sense restraint]
1. “My dearest parents -in-law - very ill, 82-84 years old, live in Europe. My dear husband loves his mother very much. He said if his mother passes away, he doesn’t want to be in the funeral. I don’t think it is a good idea. How can I help him and myself in the way of Buddha mind? I am afraid my husband will break down.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Parents] [Family] [Grief] [Funerals]
15. “How do I deal with a negative person? His/her perspectives are mostly in the way of downsides, pointing out people’s faults, his/her bad experiences, etc. If that person is a life partner or family member, how to turn him/her to become better?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Aversion] [Family] // [Right Speech] [Patience]
5. “What was the hardest thing to give up?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Renunciation] // [Family]
Story: Ajahn Pasanno’s first visit back to Canada. [Family]
1. “How do you deal with attachment to relationships? My dad has cancer and may possibly not be here next year.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Clinging] [Family] // [Parents] [Birth] [Impermanence] [Gratitude]
3. Reflection by Ajahn Pasanno: Establishing relations with family and friends in Dhamma. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Dhamma] [Ajahn Chah]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah would sometimes allow Westerners to ordain without their parent’s permission. [Ordination] [Parents] [History/Western Buddhist monasticism]
11. “What is the best way to navigate the people that we love that have unskillful behaivors but we don’t want to cut out of our lives?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] // [Compassion] [Patience] [Truth] [Aversion] [Admonishment/feedback]
5. Story: Ajahn Pasanno’s mother notices that he chants in tune. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Chanting] // [Almsfood] [Mindfulness]
8. “Can we approach chanting as praying for someone in a difficult situation?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Christianity] [Devotional practice] [Family] [Health] [Chanting] // [Skillful qualities] [Compassion] [Right Intention] [Merit] [Abhayagiri] [Nature of the cosmos]
4. “How to overcome rejection by your spouse and move on and not hang on to the hope that he will come back some day?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Relationships] [Family] // [Self-reliance] [Goodwill]
13. “How to balance the practice of removing attachments but maintain responsibilities of caregiving to children or ageing parents?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Clinging] [Relinquishment] [Family] [Parents] [Ageing] // [Gratitude]
13. “I have loaned something to my brother, and he just won’t give it back to me no matter how many times I ask him. How would you approach this situation?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Virtue] // [Right Speech] [Clear comprehension]
1. “The reflection on kamma (Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 55) uses language related to family: ‘born,’ ‘heir,’ ‘related’, ‘supported.’ What are the implications of this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Kamma] [Family] [Language] // [Community] [Perception]
2. “I have a family and family responsibilities. How do I know I’m on the path and making right effort?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Family] [Right Effort] [Doubt] // [Four Noble Truths] [Culture/West] [Mindfulness of feeling] [Direct experience]
1. “In reference to the fragrance of the flower....There are many roses in the courtyard across the street....Why do we cultivate beauty? Where does beauty arise from?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Beauty] // [Clinging] [Happiness] [Master Hsuan Hua] [Empathetic joy] [Unconditioned]
Sutta: MN 37: Sabbe dhamma nalam abhinivesaya. (Nothing whatsoever should be clung to.)
Story: Ajahn Pasanno’s mother sends his old letters to Abhayagiri. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Abhayagiri]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah was unshakeable in the midst of all the things that were happening around him and responded warmly and compassionately to the people around him. [Ajahn Chah] [Equanimity] [Compassion] [Family] [Monastic life/Motivation]
6. Comment: Since the pandemic, I have been in better communication with my family. [Pandemic] [Family] [Internet] [Communal harmony]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Discernment]
21. “My husband died 10 years ago. There was sadness but also relief that his journey was over and sadness and relief for myself. I can still hear his advice regarding my medications. Is this clinging? He lives in my heart. What do you do with memories and teachings yourself?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Death] [Grief] [Memory] [Clinging]
Recollection: I still hear Ajahn Chah’s voice. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Chah] [Dreams] [Ajahn Mahā Boowa]
4. “Would you be willing to share memories of Ajahn Chah?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah ] // [Ajahn Pasanno] [Temporary ordination] [Personality] [Not-self] [Equanimity]
When asked about the core essence of the Buddha’s teachings, Ajahn Chah replies, “Is this a big stick or a little stick?” [Teaching Dhamma] [Conventions] [Cause of Suffering]
Story: Ajahn Chah pretends to forget simple questions in order to embarass his translator. [Forest versus city monks] [Media] [Aversion] [Questions] [Translation] [Similes]
Recollection: Ajahn Pasanno writes to his family that he’s staying in Thailand because Ajahn Chah is peaceful, solid, clear, and unshakeable in the midst of all that’s going on around him. [Family] [Tranquility] [Clear comprehension]