Conducive to Reconciliation

Across the globe, political and religious extremists are spreading terror and causing trauma through increasingly desperate acts of violence. The typical response is more of the same – reprisal following aggression – whether between nations, families, or individuals. What happens on the outside goes on within us, too, and the spiral of hatred escalates. Where does it stop?

Though we may feel powerless to effect change on a global level, we can nurture our ability to reconcile and restore harmony and trust in our own lives. With the balm of forgiveness, we learn to soothe old rancour and make way for optimism and joy in our relationships.

Six special qualities, the sārāṇīya dhammā, are conducive to reconciliation: moral integrity and conscientiousness; threefold loving-kindness in what we do, say, or think; generosity – a selflessness that enables us to ` not only of our physical resources but also our time, knowledge, and friendship; and Right View – seeing life as it really is – the first link of the Noble Eightfold Path.

Unwavering dedication to goodness is our best defence against the disintegrating forces of grudge and malice. To resist their undermining influence, we must go beyond merely paying lip-service to ethical precepts and performing token acts of generosity. We have to be scrupulous, inclining our minds towards goodwill in every way and treating others with respect and consideration – whatever we feel about them.

This demonstrates a willingness to reconcile with persons both close and hostile to us: even those we would not ordinarily tolerate warrant a gesture of peace. But the value of forgiveness is independent of the response or outcome it elicits. Positive or not, it matters only that we do what is right. Our overt attempts may be misinterpreted, poorly received, or simply too late. What if the person has died? Whether they are present or not, our spiritual recovery and well-being are served when we silently forgive them – and ourselves.

This reflection by Ayyā Medhānandī Bhikkhunī is from the book, Gone Forth, Going Beyond, (pdf) pp. 2-3.