The Flaw of Self-View

The painful flaw of self-view is that it makes how I feel, and what passes through awareness, into who I am. So, as what comes up in awareness is often a mix of unresolved memories and impressions, this habit of identification gives rise to a hurt or flawed self who keeps rehashing old grudges and disappointments and regrets in an attempt to clear them. This self fixates on the details of ‘she said this five years ago and then yesterday she did this,’ or sinks into ‘I’m always anxious and am never going to make it’ again.

So whenever we identify with thoughts and emotions, we stop relating to them with the compassion that could resolve them. Then the Inner Tyrant takes over. It cuts off access to the natural empathy of the heart. It will generally urge you to feel bad about yourself and to give up on yourself; and when that sense of self-respect is out of the way, then the heart is prone to addictive habits and ‘It’s all a waste of time anyway.’

Life is difficult enough already. We live in a realm of separations, needs, brutalities, and the inability to hold on to something that’s satisfying. We can’t prevent pain or sorrow coming to us; we’re all swimming around in this sea of difficulty or ‘dukkha.’ That being so, the most important thing to bear in mind is to not drown in the water; to let go of the weight of identity and learn to swim.

This is why the Buddha presented a way to release the heart from seeking or believing in any self-image. Whether that image is bad or good, it will lead to comparisons, conceit, pride, despond and a loss of right intent. And it’s only when we can stop forming a fixed impression of ourselves the heart finds balance and is clear. Then it can stop taking on dukkha.

This reflection by Ajahn Sucitto is from the booklet, Unseating the Inner Tyrant, (ePub) p. 14-15.