Investigating the Mind

If you listen to yourself very much, you can sometimes hear such statements as, ‘I should do this but I shouldn’t do that, I should be this way, I shouldn’t be that way,’ or that the world would be other than it is; our parents should be this way or that way and shouldn’t be the way they are. So we have this particular verb tense ringing through our minds because we have an idea of what shouldn’t be or should be. In meditation, listen to that opinion within yourself of what should be and what shouldn’t be - just listen to it.

Our tendency is to try to become something; so we set a goal, create an ideal of what we would like to become. Maybe we think society should be other than it is. People should be kind, generous, unselfish, understanding and loving; there should be brotherhood; the government should have wise leaders and the world should be at peace. But the world is as it is at this moment in time and things are struggling. So listen inwardly to yourselves, to the constant crying. ‘I am this way, I am not this way,’ and penetrate this ‘I am, I am not’ with awareness.

We tend to just react and take it for granted that all the ‘I am’ and ‘I am not’ is the truth. We create ourselves as a personality and attach to our memories. We remember the things we’ve learned and what we’ve done – generally the more extreme things; we tend to forget more ordinary things. So if we do unkind, cruel, foolish things then we have unpleasant memories in our lives; we feel ashamed or guilty. If we do good or charitable things, then we have good memories in our lives. When we start reflecting on this, then we are going to be more careful about what we do and say; if we have lived life foolishly, acting on impulse out of desire for immediate gratification or out of an intention to hurt, cause disharmony or exploit others, our minds will be filled with very unpleasant memories. People who have led very selfish lives have to drink a lot or take drugs to keep themselves constantly occupied so that they don’t have to look at the memories that come up in the mind.

In the awakening process of meditation, we are bringing awareness to the conditions of the mind here and now just by being aware of this sense of ‘I am, I am not’. Contemplate the feelings of pain or pleasure – and any memories, thoughts and opinions – as impermanent, annica. The characteristic of transience is common to all conditions. How many of you spent the day really investigating this in every possible way while sitting, standing or lying down? Investigate what you see with your eye, hear with your ear, taste with our tongue, smell with your nose, feel and experience with your body and think with your mind.

The thought ‘I am’ is an impermanent condition. The thought ‘I am not’ is an impermanent condition. Thoughts, memories, consciousness of thinking, the body itself, our emotions – all conditions change. In the practice of meditation, we have to be quite serious, brave and courageous, to really investigate, to dare to look at even the most unpleasant conditions in life, rather than to seek escape in tranquility or forget about everything. In Vipassana, the practice is one of looking into suffering; it’s a confrontation with ourselves, with what we think of ourselves, with our memories and our emotions, pleasant, unpleasant or indifferent. In other words, when these things arise and we are aware of suffering, rather than rejecting, repressing or ignoring it, we take the opportunity to examine it.

This reflection by Ajahn Sumedho is from the book, The Way It Is, pp. 14-15.