A Natural Strength of the Heart

In his teachings on the foundations for open-heartedness, the Buddha spoke of the four brahmavihāras (sublime states of mind): mettā is the sense of goodwill, of well-wishing to all beings; karuṇā is compassion for the suffering of beings; muditā is joy or gladness for the success or good fortune of other beings; and upekkhā is equanimity or even-mindedness.

The brahmavihāras enable us to relate to both ourselves and others in the right or most beneficial ways. These four attitudes help us to resolve social conflicts, as well as heal from the suffering inherent in the human condition. They promote harmonious and mature relationships, and make it possible to let go of self-centredness. The brahmavihāras allow kindness, joy, hope, and forgiveness to flourish in our hearts.

Of course, it’s also natural not to be open-hearted. There is nothing unnatural about being close-hearted, such as when you’re angry, frightened, or jealous. Sometimes you might discover that open-heartedness is conjoined with fearfulness of some sort, in which case that’s not the open heart. Just think of those times when you’ve been overly deferential, solicitous, or obsequious towards someone. If we find ourselves being kind to someone in order to try to appease them or make them like us, that’s not mettā; rather, that behavior is based in fear.

But if we can try to develop the genuinely open-hearted attitudes, they become strengths. The combination of deep open-heartedness and fearlessness is very powerful. I’ve never met more radiantly compassionate beings than His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Ajahn Chah. What was so impressive about Ajahn Chah’s profound compassion was that he was also totally fearless. He wasn’t a soft-hearted pushover whom you could manipulate with a please-feel-sorry-for-me storyline. Rather, his compassion and fearlessness always brought you back to the suffering you were creating by not letting go of your attachment to wanting things to be different.

People sometimes think that mettā is some kind of a “doormat” practice where you’re adopting a subservient stance; but it’s not. It’s a natural strength of the heart. When the heart can be free from aversion and deeply accept the way things are, then where’s the problem? There is no problem. Whereas if you look at anger or fear, they’re not strengths. They’re actually weaknesses in that they undermine your confidence and sense of security in the world.

This reflection by Ajahn Viradhammo is from the book, The Contemplative’s Craft, (pdf) pp. 148-149.